midnight posting :)
16:59 Edit This 3 Comments »
ok maybe it's after midnight! but in any case, I'm a little bored cause I fell asleep after dinner for a couple of hours and automatically woke up at 10.00 exactly for my evening snack. weird, does anyone else have a freakishly exact body clock like this? it's useful though :) I think I was a bit worn out today cause I took my little brother ice skating this morning then went into town for lunch and a bit of HMV browsing (as most eight year olds, he's obsessed with computer games!). anyway after that I had to go and buy some food supplies for the weekend and straight after we went out to Pizza Express for dinner, so I kind of felt like I hadn't had a spare moment all day. also, I had the Vitabella pizza for the first time (UK people?) and it was really nice :) I think my mum was a bit nervy about me choosing a 'light' pizza! but hey, the rest of my family eats WAY more lightly than I do in the day and has a heavier dinner so it's ok. I felt way better with a small option actually cause it meant that I had my usual highly caloric afternoon snack instead of shrinking it a bit. fitted right into my schedule!
thank you all for the comments on my last post, made a lot of sense. I feel a little silly now cause I have to confess, there were times when I sat and told people 'I don't want to get better, why are you pushing me, just let me maintain' etc etc. I guess it just felt like the ground was pulled from under me when someone actually said that was the plan rather than pushing me. but heck, on the 'proving people wrong' front things are going well :) big news - I got my period! yayyy for hormones! tbh I usually get it at a low weight, in fact I've had it 10lbs below where I am now, but it's still a relief! I was starting to wonder what was going on there. to be bluntly honest, I have had a hard time the past few days with one side of my head moaning and moaning 'see, you're healthy now, you don't need to gain, what's with all this peanut butter/hummus/extra calories etc'. but I just stuck my middle finger up :P
unfortunately I am also having hugely annoying GI issues again. of the 'I am curled up in pain and cannot move after meals' type thing, plus being full for FAR too long. I've started to rely on metoclompramide a bit but I hate the side effects too much so I hope this eases soon! it's been six months now since I was at my worst point physically, and I'm just starting to wonder if this will ever go away. delayed gastric emptying caused by an eating disorder is supposed to rectify itself once you are eating normally again and I'm getting impatient :(
I'm also wondering if I can get any help for it, medically speaking. every professional from the ED services I go to seems to assume it's a problem of the bloating/constipation sort, which it isn't at all. more like food getting stuck in my stomach for six times the normal length of time! but all the professionals tell me it's impossible for me to have had such severe bulimic symptoms at such a low weight, which I believe is linked to the GI issues, so no surprises there.
anyway I should stop moaning :P and post some pics!
Fage 2% with agave and mixed berries/plums. also had a cup of dark chocolate ice cream with this, told you my snacks were substantial :P
dinner last night: Cauldron mushroom burger (obsessed!), spinach with 1/2 can mixed beans and a load of red pepper hummus. also lots of mustard, err have I told you I'm a bit addicted to it? spicy = yum!
this is what happens when you are too busy eating and forget to take a pic...it looks like you munch on rabbit food all day long! this WAS a Pret Italian Chicken Salad...lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, chicken, pine nuts, red peppers, parmesan and Italian dressing. yum :)
I'm working tomorrow and the next day and going to Thorpe Park on Monday so may be completely wiped out by Tuesday, but it should be fun! next mission - I'm looking into getting a membership at my local leisure centre for the summer, as inspired by Jemima. when we were ice skating today I saw that they have some cut price offers for the gym/classes/pool membership which include an induction, so I could talk through the fact that I'm trying to gain and I don't exactly want to jeopardise that, but get some kind of fun/exercise routine going at the same time :)
thank you all for the comments on my last post, made a lot of sense. I feel a little silly now cause I have to confess, there were times when I sat and told people 'I don't want to get better, why are you pushing me, just let me maintain' etc etc. I guess it just felt like the ground was pulled from under me when someone actually said that was the plan rather than pushing me. but heck, on the 'proving people wrong' front things are going well :) big news - I got my period! yayyy for hormones! tbh I usually get it at a low weight, in fact I've had it 10lbs below where I am now, but it's still a relief! I was starting to wonder what was going on there. to be bluntly honest, I have had a hard time the past few days with one side of my head moaning and moaning 'see, you're healthy now, you don't need to gain, what's with all this peanut butter/hummus/extra calories etc'. but I just stuck my middle finger up :P
unfortunately I am also having hugely annoying GI issues again. of the 'I am curled up in pain and cannot move after meals' type thing, plus being full for FAR too long. I've started to rely on metoclompramide a bit but I hate the side effects too much so I hope this eases soon! it's been six months now since I was at my worst point physically, and I'm just starting to wonder if this will ever go away. delayed gastric emptying caused by an eating disorder is supposed to rectify itself once you are eating normally again and I'm getting impatient :(
I'm also wondering if I can get any help for it, medically speaking. every professional from the ED services I go to seems to assume it's a problem of the bloating/constipation sort, which it isn't at all. more like food getting stuck in my stomach for six times the normal length of time! but all the professionals tell me it's impossible for me to have had such severe bulimic symptoms at such a low weight, which I believe is linked to the GI issues, so no surprises there.
anyway I should stop moaning :P and post some pics!
Fage 2% with agave and mixed berries/plums. also had a cup of dark chocolate ice cream with this, told you my snacks were substantial :P
dinner last night: Cauldron mushroom burger (obsessed!), spinach with 1/2 can mixed beans and a load of red pepper hummus. also lots of mustard, err have I told you I'm a bit addicted to it? spicy = yum!
this is what happens when you are too busy eating and forget to take a pic...it looks like you munch on rabbit food all day long! this WAS a Pret Italian Chicken Salad...lettuce, tomatoes, black olives, chicken, pine nuts, red peppers, parmesan and Italian dressing. yum :)
I'm working tomorrow and the next day and going to Thorpe Park on Monday so may be completely wiped out by Tuesday, but it should be fun! next mission - I'm looking into getting a membership at my local leisure centre for the summer, as inspired by Jemima. when we were ice skating today I saw that they have some cut price offers for the gym/classes/pool membership which include an induction, so I could talk through the fact that I'm trying to gain and I don't exactly want to jeopardise that, but get some kind of fun/exercise routine going at the same time :)
3 comments:
I'm sorry about the GI issues- ED treatment team often say things are resolved with weight gain, but it's not *always* the case- depending on whether it's full blown gastroparesis or delayed stomach emptying. Hopefully over time it will settle- meanwhile, am sure you've heard it before but low fibre/low bulk is probably a better option (hence the tiny portions of vegetables in inpatient!)
The cauldron burgers sound good- they are on offer everywhere right now! I want to get some but stupidly bought 12 boxes of felafel (LOL) so using them up first...haha, the life of a hoarder.
Have a great Saturday!
Congrats on getting your period love! I know EXACTLY what you mean with the "now I must be healthy" mind set that follows, but well done for telling ed to shove it :D
Have fun at Thorpe park, try not to make yourself too tired though! And I hope your GI issues improve soon.
oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii where are you???
-Claire ;)
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