baking in a cold climate
13:10 Edit This 2 Comments »
you've got it...I made brownies today (pics later!), but the weather is NOT co-operating the way it was last week. in fact it's pretty darn freezing :(
on the bright side, this week is getting off to a good start. I feel a LOT more relaxed and 'free' after coming to that realisation about how scared I am of giving up 100% control over my diet and allowing 'uncertainty' into the mix. it's almost like there was this looming fear over me stopping me from doing things, and now I've named it I've taken its power away...cause really, it's a ridiculous fear! if I were to eat something 'unplanned'...erm...nothing would come of it! also, leading on from that last post, it's the evening of the third day since I decided to 'just stop' bingeing & purging. and I actually feel ok! which is quite shocking cause tbh by this time I would usually feel like I was crawling out of my skin with anxiety and 'withdrawal' (I definitely think of this part of my ED like an addiction!)
so I am shocked, but pleased!
so the next couple of days are going to be fairly busy, which is good. feel like I've been killing time today really. anyway I'm going to see the dietitian tomorrow morning :) excited for this as I really need to have a talk through my diet with someone. making my own plans is fun but it'd be better if I had a professional opinion on them!
anyway, after that I've got TWO lunches out in a row, on Wednesday and Thursday. one with my cousin and one with a close friend. going to be a bit of a challenge to say the least! ah well at least for Thursday we're going to Wagamama and I know the menu pretty well. going to be amazing to see my friend anyway, I'm living with her come October and I really can't wait. moving out is going to be A.MAZING. if there's one thing my eating disorder's taken away that I really resent, it's my independence.
I've got some fun pics today too :D
me with new haircut from yesterday :)
actually it was just a trim, but she straightened it so nicely I had to be vain, lol. and I always seem to be wearing that neon hoodie when I take pics, I think I must be trying to blind you guys! my apologies...
new breakfast addition :)
I love Nakd bars so thought I'd try these...and really, raisins that taste like cherries are a pretty cool idea! it was a VERY strong flavour and made my whole bowl taste/smell of cherries which was really nice. slightly artificially sweet maybe? but to be expected. and more interesting than plain old raisins any day. I want to try the lemon ones next, definitely.
breakfast addition number two: dried pineapple slices
now these were DEFINITELY far too sweet and overpowering. I like the dried fruit idea and it's a good way to pack in nutrition for less volume, but I'm going to try a mixture next.
the BEST afternoon snack I've had in ages.
sparkling guava juice - this stuff is amazing. comes in mango flavour too. uses natural fruit juice and is sugar free.
one of my brownies! I adapted and merged about a billion recipes, but they were made with dark chocolate, black beans and hazelnuts. YUM.
aaaaand a vanilla/chocolate pudding for good measure :)
unfortunately, these are the newest additions to my diet :(
I should be taking multivits anyway, and I found out last week that my latest bloods show low ferritin so my body is not absorbing iron correctly? (I think, I got a bit lost in the explanation lol) so anyway am taking these fun thingies. I also have a DEXA scan next week, which I was reminded about at that appointment :(
I generally don't lose my period easily and have had it at some silly weights, so I've been lucky, but my last scan was borderline and apparently my bone density is likely to be out of normal range now. argh. still, no use predicting bad news til I get it, and at least I'm making some positive changes now eh?
off to read everyone's blogs now :)
xx
on the bright side, this week is getting off to a good start. I feel a LOT more relaxed and 'free' after coming to that realisation about how scared I am of giving up 100% control over my diet and allowing 'uncertainty' into the mix. it's almost like there was this looming fear over me stopping me from doing things, and now I've named it I've taken its power away...cause really, it's a ridiculous fear! if I were to eat something 'unplanned'...erm...nothing would come of it! also, leading on from that last post, it's the evening of the third day since I decided to 'just stop' bingeing & purging. and I actually feel ok! which is quite shocking cause tbh by this time I would usually feel like I was crawling out of my skin with anxiety and 'withdrawal' (I definitely think of this part of my ED like an addiction!)
so I am shocked, but pleased!
so the next couple of days are going to be fairly busy, which is good. feel like I've been killing time today really. anyway I'm going to see the dietitian tomorrow morning :) excited for this as I really need to have a talk through my diet with someone. making my own plans is fun but it'd be better if I had a professional opinion on them!
anyway, after that I've got TWO lunches out in a row, on Wednesday and Thursday. one with my cousin and one with a close friend. going to be a bit of a challenge to say the least! ah well at least for Thursday we're going to Wagamama and I know the menu pretty well. going to be amazing to see my friend anyway, I'm living with her come October and I really can't wait. moving out is going to be A.MAZING. if there's one thing my eating disorder's taken away that I really resent, it's my independence.
I've got some fun pics today too :D
me with new haircut from yesterday :)
actually it was just a trim, but she straightened it so nicely I had to be vain, lol. and I always seem to be wearing that neon hoodie when I take pics, I think I must be trying to blind you guys! my apologies...
new breakfast addition :)
I love Nakd bars so thought I'd try these...and really, raisins that taste like cherries are a pretty cool idea! it was a VERY strong flavour and made my whole bowl taste/smell of cherries which was really nice. slightly artificially sweet maybe? but to be expected. and more interesting than plain old raisins any day. I want to try the lemon ones next, definitely.
breakfast addition number two: dried pineapple slices
now these were DEFINITELY far too sweet and overpowering. I like the dried fruit idea and it's a good way to pack in nutrition for less volume, but I'm going to try a mixture next.
the BEST afternoon snack I've had in ages.
sparkling guava juice - this stuff is amazing. comes in mango flavour too. uses natural fruit juice and is sugar free.
one of my brownies! I adapted and merged about a billion recipes, but they were made with dark chocolate, black beans and hazelnuts. YUM.
aaaaand a vanilla/chocolate pudding for good measure :)
unfortunately, these are the newest additions to my diet :(
I should be taking multivits anyway, and I found out last week that my latest bloods show low ferritin so my body is not absorbing iron correctly? (I think, I got a bit lost in the explanation lol) so anyway am taking these fun thingies. I also have a DEXA scan next week, which I was reminded about at that appointment :(
I generally don't lose my period easily and have had it at some silly weights, so I've been lucky, but my last scan was borderline and apparently my bone density is likely to be out of normal range now. argh. still, no use predicting bad news til I get it, and at least I'm making some positive changes now eh?
off to read everyone's blogs now :)
xx
2 comments:
I am so jealous you are getting to move out lol. Thats great though!
God I hate those dexa scans, lying there still and freezing your ass off is not pleasurable!
Well done hun for not binging and purging thats amazing!
Keep it up and think of getting to move out :P
take care xx
glad you are going strong Fi! Have you tried the pineapple Nak'd raisins?
am going out for dinner tonight and also kind of anxious...we can do it ;)
good luck with the Dexa- have you had one before? they are pretty fast and you don't feel anything. Just psyche yourself up to lie on a cold metal table :P
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