late Xmas update from a train!
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I feel like everything in my life is going right at the moment :)
not only does the wi-fi on my East Coast train back up to Durham actually WORK, but it's the perfect opportunity to update which I've been meaning to do for about a week but just far too busy. I also found my camera this morning while packing (occupational hazard when you're as disorganised as me) so I have pictures!
first, rewind to the 18th December. as you'll know if you read her blog, Katie came to stay with me in Durham! I won't be boring and recap stuff which she has, but suffice to say we had a really fun time, and I also got to meet Jessica which kind of made my Christmas too. here are some of my pictures to do a brief summary...
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it was RIDICULOUSLY cold. that's our bin, but I picked the picture cause it shows the 'Durham City' sign and the insane amounts of snow. I am heading back up there now so wish me luck! however I think I actually have acclimatised to the cold, cause down South I was ok going out just wearing leggings (lol not JUST, but as opposed to leggings and jeans, you get my point!)
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outing number one to El Piano, the vegan gluten free restaurant in York. this was amazing. I had the special 'Aztec' tofu, and the aubergine bake, and Katie's are the sweet potato mousse and falafel. I may not be vegan or coeliac, but who cares I'd still choose to eat there.
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second outing on the trip home - totally had to try the falafels. this was the mixed salad with falafel which Katie got as well from the takeout counter. twas amazing again. I'm so glad I managed these meals cause it was quite a big deal for me to move from 'having a substantial lunch' to 'having a substantial lunch OUT' so quickly. but heck nothing is impossible right?
ok aside from eating at El Piano, we also shopped in York, went to the Life Centre (kids science playtime!) in Newcastle, shopped some more, met Jessica, and sat by my radiator jabbering a lot! it was so much fun, and I'm so grateful to Katie for coming up to see me :) she is such a good laugh and a helpful person to talk to about pretty much everything under the sun. I would insert a disclaimer here about how I hope I wasn't too annoying but I think we've both established now that we are both paranoid ;)
ok so after our holiday in the snow, Katie drove me home on the 23rd (thank you :D) and I went to Dorset with my family on Christmas Eve. I won't lie, being at home was seriously difficult. I had wondered if my parents wouldn't comment on my weight as last year I was in a similar position and they didn't. but I think after my IP stay things have changed, and my dad told me I look like I did at my lowest weight and I think he was really scared. ack. well, I'm not that low, and I am doing better behaviourally, which hopefully I demonstrated by doing fairly well with meals over Christmas. it was really hard to deal with the anxiety of knowing that I was being watched, as well as changing up my normal meals. I did some cooking though...
.JPG)
ingredients...
.JPG)
FRYING! ;)
complete...ratatouille. we had this with crispy bacon for dinner and it was pretty darn good. I also made parsnip soup and crusty bread for lunch but didn't get a pic of that. still I really appreciated my dad's willingness to let me cook so I knew what was going into things and felt ok about eating them. he has also been so kind to me helping me out with things...like today he wouldn't let me carry anything on the tube, he made a detour on the way to work to drag my heavy suitcase and a bag full of my blankets and cushion etc while I just carried my shoulder bag. it's so kind of him and I really just want to do better cause I can see the way he looks at me sideways and it's really awful to think how I would feel if I had a daughter who looked the way I do :S
in any case, moving onto the positive, I am still keeping my calories up and haven't let myself slip back down as has happened before. I am really scared to weigh myself though as I'm not sure, there might be a chance that I've lost which would put me in a range I honestly never thought I'd see again...stupid fucking illness. it might just be that I am eating more so I feel smaller for the same weight on the scales though if that makes sense. but I can always increase anyway ;) I definitely feel like my metabolism has sped up, I am actually getting hungry to the point of my stomach rumbling before meals which is so rare for me because of the damage I've done to my digestion through my eating disorder.
hopefully I will be back in Durham in 2 hours now so I'm going to sign off and have lunch, I am bloody starving right now! I'm sure I will update soon though, I have much less to do in the next few days.
not only does the wi-fi on my East Coast train back up to Durham actually WORK, but it's the perfect opportunity to update which I've been meaning to do for about a week but just far too busy. I also found my camera this morning while packing (occupational hazard when you're as disorganised as me) so I have pictures!
first, rewind to the 18th December. as you'll know if you read her blog, Katie came to stay with me in Durham! I won't be boring and recap stuff which she has, but suffice to say we had a really fun time, and I also got to meet Jessica which kind of made my Christmas too. here are some of my pictures to do a brief summary...
.JPG)
it was RIDICULOUSLY cold. that's our bin, but I picked the picture cause it shows the 'Durham City' sign and the insane amounts of snow. I am heading back up there now so wish me luck! however I think I actually have acclimatised to the cold, cause down South I was ok going out just wearing leggings (lol not JUST, but as opposed to leggings and jeans, you get my point!)
.JPG)
outing number one to El Piano, the vegan gluten free restaurant in York. this was amazing. I had the special 'Aztec' tofu, and the aubergine bake, and Katie's are the sweet potato mousse and falafel. I may not be vegan or coeliac, but who cares I'd still choose to eat there.
.JPG)
second outing on the trip home - totally had to try the falafels. this was the mixed salad with falafel which Katie got as well from the takeout counter. twas amazing again. I'm so glad I managed these meals cause it was quite a big deal for me to move from 'having a substantial lunch' to 'having a substantial lunch OUT' so quickly. but heck nothing is impossible right?
ok aside from eating at El Piano, we also shopped in York, went to the Life Centre (kids science playtime!) in Newcastle, shopped some more, met Jessica, and sat by my radiator jabbering a lot! it was so much fun, and I'm so grateful to Katie for coming up to see me :) she is such a good laugh and a helpful person to talk to about pretty much everything under the sun. I would insert a disclaimer here about how I hope I wasn't too annoying but I think we've both established now that we are both paranoid ;)
ok so after our holiday in the snow, Katie drove me home on the 23rd (thank you :D) and I went to Dorset with my family on Christmas Eve. I won't lie, being at home was seriously difficult. I had wondered if my parents wouldn't comment on my weight as last year I was in a similar position and they didn't. but I think after my IP stay things have changed, and my dad told me I look like I did at my lowest weight and I think he was really scared. ack. well, I'm not that low, and I am doing better behaviourally, which hopefully I demonstrated by doing fairly well with meals over Christmas. it was really hard to deal with the anxiety of knowing that I was being watched, as well as changing up my normal meals. I did some cooking though...
.JPG)
ingredients...
.JPG)
FRYING! ;)
complete...ratatouille. we had this with crispy bacon for dinner and it was pretty darn good. I also made parsnip soup and crusty bread for lunch but didn't get a pic of that. still I really appreciated my dad's willingness to let me cook so I knew what was going into things and felt ok about eating them. he has also been so kind to me helping me out with things...like today he wouldn't let me carry anything on the tube, he made a detour on the way to work to drag my heavy suitcase and a bag full of my blankets and cushion etc while I just carried my shoulder bag. it's so kind of him and I really just want to do better cause I can see the way he looks at me sideways and it's really awful to think how I would feel if I had a daughter who looked the way I do :S
in any case, moving onto the positive, I am still keeping my calories up and haven't let myself slip back down as has happened before. I am really scared to weigh myself though as I'm not sure, there might be a chance that I've lost which would put me in a range I honestly never thought I'd see again...stupid fucking illness. it might just be that I am eating more so I feel smaller for the same weight on the scales though if that makes sense. but I can always increase anyway ;) I definitely feel like my metabolism has sped up, I am actually getting hungry to the point of my stomach rumbling before meals which is so rare for me because of the damage I've done to my digestion through my eating disorder.
hopefully I will be back in Durham in 2 hours now so I'm going to sign off and have lunch, I am bloody starving right now! I'm sure I will update soon though, I have much less to do in the next few days.
5 comments:
Your blogger meet up sounded fun and that food looked really great :-), that just shows how far you can push yourself when you really try, well done!
Glad to hear christmas went ok, I know how akward it can be when you feel like your being watched. Hopefully you`ll have put your parents mind at ease slightly now.
Keep up the good work and keep trying to head in the right direction :-)
xox
Reading this post is making me shiver just with the memory! Yes indeedy, it was (and is!) ridiculously cold. It made my xmas (and year!) to meet you too. I empathise with the paranoia about coming across in a negative way because I was so worried I'd scared the heck out of both Katie and yourself with my strangeness. Being able to talk to two such lovely people without the social anxiety I usually experience meant more to me than you can possibly imagine: I never feel at ease with people normally and it was almost as if I was a 'regular' person, even if it was only for a few hours. I haven't felt that way in...well, forever! So thank you so much :)
Food at El Piano looks divine. I think you coped fantastically with it and I'm so happy that your family were understanding over Christmas. You didn't choose your illness so although it might be hard for your Dad to accept the way you look, try not to feel too guilty or beat yourself up over it. You are a wonderful person and daughter, I am sure, and the steps you are taking are ones of which you should be very proud.
*hugs*
xoxox
hello fi,
this is erin/fright. as is obvious i found your blog. while i am worried that me reading your blog in itself blares 'weird', i figured that me reading your blog without letting you know i'm reading would take weird into stalker territory, heh. i really hope you don't mind.
re: feeling like your family were watching a bit, i hate that feeling. it's good to hear that behaviourally things aren't as bad as they have been but still, you've got to keep trying to take care. i know it's hard, aloneness is hard.
again, am massively hesitant about posting this... but in any case i think you are really lovely. and i enjoy reading your posts on here and otherwise.
- e.
x
The cold weather continues and it has started snowing again.... so you are in for the same ride as you had before Christmas.
I'm sorry to hear that you found the time with your parents difficult. But at least your Dad seems to be showing a reasonable amount of interest in your health.
Coffee in the New Year? I think so....
I am reminiscing about that salad now, which is slightly sad of me :P
I don't really have anything useful to add to the previous comments other than saying well done for coping with Christmas <3 and thank you for the lovely time I had in Durham. Oh, that sounds like my mother made me say it. I mean it though! I wish I was there this evening, you, me and J would be having a much better NYE if we were playing The Clinic together right now :P
xxx
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