crack beans and unnecessary clothes
09:55 Edit This 6 Comments »
best breakfast ever!
Fage 0% w/ agave, Coco Pops moons & stars, and 30g yogurt coated raisins (I think it was Jemima who called these 'crack beans'? it's an apt name!)
also a pear and crack in a mug which I didn't snap.
it is SO freaking hot here and driving me absolutely up the wall. still, my dad was awesome and we stopped in Argos and bought a revolving tower fan for my room. I live in the attic so it's cold as hell in winter (used to sleep in jeans/hoodie when I was ill, ugh) and ridiculously hot in summer. he also bought me a couple of basic vest tops. weight gain is a fantastic way of getting your parents to be very benevolent about buying you clothes, lol. we also had lunch in Pret, I got the Italian Chicken Salad (chicken, caesar dressing, parmesan, red peppers, tomatoes, black olives, lettuce) which was SO nice, and a bit of a challenge cause I hadn't a clue about the nutritional info. I need to be able to just pick something I want though, instead of 'fitting it in' to what I feel is 'allowed'.
I then got home and went through all my stuff (I am so messy, this took awhile!) and got together everything that is either a) stupidly small or b) stupidly big, ready to chuck/sell/give to charity. I have decided that at my first 'target' which I set myself for going back to university I will probably be a UK 8. and at a totally healthy weight maybe an 8/10 depending on the shop. so everything in a 6 or a 12 is being got rid of. don't know why I even OWN clothes in a 12 seeing as I've never got to a healthy weight but obv y'know, ED likes stupid baggy stuff. which from now on will be no more. I'm going to be really fucking sad throwing out some of my clothes, but I need to make relapse a non-option. there's one pair of jeans I wore constantly at my lowest which I love, but just need to disappear. it's even difficult and triggering to wear them now cause it reminds me of when they were falling off/bruising my hips etc and it's just not a positive thing.
anyway, after the big clothes reshuffle I had a snack consisting of a pear, a bottle of sugarfree blackcurrant juice, and a kiddie ice lolly. anyone know those ones with strawberry/chocolate ice cream and little 'bobbly' crunchy bits on the outside? SO childish, but so fun! promise I will take a pic when I next have one.
OH ETA: found a pic! cute or what?
6 comments:
Congrats on gutting out all the unnecessary clothes, especially your jeans! The best thing ever is getting rid of the 'ED' jeans, to me it means no going back :)
Loving the cute ice cream too.
x
Aww that ice cream looks awesome and hell yes for crack beans ;-) Fantastic job on getting rid of your old clothes - definitely a 'landmark' move. I had to unintentionally get rid of my own ED jeans a while back (read: mother put them in the wash and *accidentally* bleached them all over the crotch!) I was FURIOUS with her at the time and had the biggest temper tantrum I think I've ever had.. But looking back it was definitely a good thing.
Fantastic goals too - you and I have very similar 'motivations' and aspirations - it's v. comforting :-) Who knows, one day we might bump into each other in outpatients - I'm the one always being told to put my cigarette out on the benches in front of harewood house haha.
Fiiii this entry made me smile so much...so proud of you, made me feel hopeful too. I really need to make some changes in my own life.
I have a revolving tower fan with a remote control, so I don't even have to move to turn it on.
Yay for clothes shopping and getting rid of the unwanted clothes.
I can highly recommend burning the jeans :p well, the most triggering pair anyway, I know you wanted to get some money for the rest of the clothes! I loved those lollies, I went through a phase of them being my favourite. I always used to try and eat the bobbles off first :P not for any ED reason, it just amused me!
You sound like the Fiona you were when I first met you again :) it's lovely. I hope you have a nice day today - it's so bloody hot, you wouldn't believe we were in the same country we as were over the winter, would you?!
This post is so great - it shows how strong your mind is in recovery right now. Getting rid of triggering clothes is such a step forward, you should be really proud :) I know when I reach my first goal weight I'm going to treat myself to lots of nice new clothes - it makes the weight gain process almost exciting, you know?
I really enjoy reading your blog :)
~Hannah
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