photo blogging!
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you've guessed it - I have a camera!
fairly boring photos as of yet but await more :) I went out to a retail park with my friend today, we were going to see Avatar but decided that 2 1/2 hours was just WAY too long and we'd rather mess around and go shopping.
first up, lunch...naturally I have photos :P tis stuff we got from M&S taken into Costa.
feta & sundried tomato pasta salad, soy vanilla latte
and chocolate covered Oreos :) found in a shop in Brighton last weekend. apparently Sainsburys have stopped selling the white chocolate ones though which saddens me immensely...
also went to Miss Selfridge/Topshop, and this isn't my picture, but I am totally lusting after this dress and am plotting to buy it when I can fit a decent size :) (and hopefully the weather is slightly warmer so it can actually be worn without jeans etc!)
spent the afternoon after that doing more shopping, then home to my friend's place & we spent about a bajillion hours just chatting away and not noticing the time as we always seem to do. I came home to find my house packed...one of my housemates has her boyfriend here and the others have a guest too! s'alright though :)
half eaten dinner ;) what, I was hungry! it WAS a chicken kiev, a double serving of mashed potato (yes with wholegrain mustard mixed in, don't judge!) and veg.
also this: toffee meringue. had the other one as part of my afternoon snack, oops at the eating both M&S desserts in one day! but only cost £1.19 so not as bad as it could be!
speaking of M&S, check my food cupboard/fridge stuff. I was seriously impressed with myself, managed to get loads of stuff for only £20 using offers/deals and so on. basically got most of the weeks food and only need boring stuff like bread & bananas now!
k that's the bottom shelf of my cupboard. stuff you can see - cafetiere coffee (my friend bought me one for Xmas. I'm spoiled, what can I say!), chopped dates, all butter sultana biscuits, 2 vanilla fondant eggs, candied melon, dark chocolate spread, agave, French dressing, tuna, manuka honey (yeah my dad bought me that, too. don't think he looked at the price tag first!), pear cider (wouldn't be a student cupboard without it), mini granola pot, soup, strawberry marshmallow fluff. there wer LOADS more bars and stuff in there after my weekend but I've actually managed to eat a very large proportion of them! still have some mini Nakd ones but you can't see 'em.
fridge stuff - the art of deals from M&S. and yes, totally aware that they aren't really 'deals' in comparison to if you made the stuff yourself. darn my laziness! but still, cool that you can get stuff without paying much more than in Tesco etc. in the pic - 3 for £5 potatoes and veg, crispy potato skins, caramelized onion rosti (underneath) and veg with minted butter. butter on your veg is clearly the only way forward on a weight gain diet! also Chinese deal, chicken/mushroom/rice and siu mai prawn dumplings. also got a prawn noodle bowl thing like the first one for my housemate, think we're gonna have fake 'Chinese takeaway' night tomorrow! oh and goat's cheese, which I am obsessed with and will probably bankrupt me cause it was NOT on offer :(
other random fun purchases - mini syrup bottles from Costa! excited to make my own pretentious coffee drinks. (I just admitted to this AND owning a cafetiere in a student house? facepalm...)
freshly baked poppy seed bread I got this morning, obsessed. seriously, everyone should try this, preferably white flour lol, so much better in this form. not as scary as it seems either, I just cut it up and weighed the pieces ;) had it for breakfast and evening snack, and will totally eat the rest for breakfast tomorrow.
ok I have some photos of me now. so, I'm going to scroll a bit, and please don't look at them if you find photos triggering. to be honest they are like the anti-trigger to me, but I know these things affect people differently...
ok :) these first ones were taken on January 4th. I believe it was the day before I started increasing and gaining weight, although my memory is a little hazy. yeah so basically they are at the lowest weight I was this year, and only 4lbs above my lowest in my last relapse. I think it was also either the day after or a couple of days after I suspect I had a minor heart attack cause of low potassium. just looking at them now...well, I don't know. it's quite horrifying to be honest, looking over them before posting made me shiver. I remember looking at them at the time and thinking that it could be worse. I'd decided I wasn't going to let anyone section me unless I weighed about 9lbs less, and looking at the photos I thought that was totally feasible and I'd be fine. er. scares me now. anyway, I've rambled enough. please no one blackmail me with these cause I know I look ugly as HELL...that's kind of the point of posting them :P
excellent side effects of emaciation - square face, dead eyes, looking like Count Dracula, lanugo on my FACE (ew), utter inability to realise how ridiculous I looked.
ok, and you knew there had to be a positive spin to this :) photos now!
let's be upfront about it - I am still very underweight. in the six weeks since that first one was taken I've gained probably 12lbs, and have a lot more to go. BUT, I think the ones I took today just look SO much less depressing! sure, I don't look healthy...but I look like someone who has hope, and a fighting chance at getting healthy :)
I'm sorry that I don't have the time to write more at the moment (I'm really busy with a really boring essay), but hey I think this post is probably long enough with all those snaps! I will be back in due course though :)
fairly boring photos as of yet but await more :) I went out to a retail park with my friend today, we were going to see Avatar but decided that 2 1/2 hours was just WAY too long and we'd rather mess around and go shopping.
first up, lunch...naturally I have photos :P tis stuff we got from M&S taken into Costa.
feta & sundried tomato pasta salad, soy vanilla latte
and chocolate covered Oreos :) found in a shop in Brighton last weekend. apparently Sainsburys have stopped selling the white chocolate ones though which saddens me immensely...
also went to Miss Selfridge/Topshop, and this isn't my picture, but I am totally lusting after this dress and am plotting to buy it when I can fit a decent size :) (and hopefully the weather is slightly warmer so it can actually be worn without jeans etc!)
spent the afternoon after that doing more shopping, then home to my friend's place & we spent about a bajillion hours just chatting away and not noticing the time as we always seem to do. I came home to find my house packed...one of my housemates has her boyfriend here and the others have a guest too! s'alright though :)
half eaten dinner ;) what, I was hungry! it WAS a chicken kiev, a double serving of mashed potato (yes with wholegrain mustard mixed in, don't judge!) and veg.
also this: toffee meringue. had the other one as part of my afternoon snack, oops at the eating both M&S desserts in one day! but only cost £1.19 so not as bad as it could be!
speaking of M&S, check my food cupboard/fridge stuff. I was seriously impressed with myself, managed to get loads of stuff for only £20 using offers/deals and so on. basically got most of the weeks food and only need boring stuff like bread & bananas now!
k that's the bottom shelf of my cupboard. stuff you can see - cafetiere coffee (my friend bought me one for Xmas. I'm spoiled, what can I say!), chopped dates, all butter sultana biscuits, 2 vanilla fondant eggs, candied melon, dark chocolate spread, agave, French dressing, tuna, manuka honey (yeah my dad bought me that, too. don't think he looked at the price tag first!), pear cider (wouldn't be a student cupboard without it), mini granola pot, soup, strawberry marshmallow fluff. there wer LOADS more bars and stuff in there after my weekend but I've actually managed to eat a very large proportion of them! still have some mini Nakd ones but you can't see 'em.
fridge stuff - the art of deals from M&S. and yes, totally aware that they aren't really 'deals' in comparison to if you made the stuff yourself. darn my laziness! but still, cool that you can get stuff without paying much more than in Tesco etc. in the pic - 3 for £5 potatoes and veg, crispy potato skins, caramelized onion rosti (underneath) and veg with minted butter. butter on your veg is clearly the only way forward on a weight gain diet! also Chinese deal, chicken/mushroom/rice and siu mai prawn dumplings. also got a prawn noodle bowl thing like the first one for my housemate, think we're gonna have fake 'Chinese takeaway' night tomorrow! oh and goat's cheese, which I am obsessed with and will probably bankrupt me cause it was NOT on offer :(
other random fun purchases - mini syrup bottles from Costa! excited to make my own pretentious coffee drinks. (I just admitted to this AND owning a cafetiere in a student house? facepalm...)
freshly baked poppy seed bread I got this morning, obsessed. seriously, everyone should try this, preferably white flour lol, so much better in this form. not as scary as it seems either, I just cut it up and weighed the pieces ;) had it for breakfast and evening snack, and will totally eat the rest for breakfast tomorrow.
ok I have some photos of me now. so, I'm going to scroll a bit, and please don't look at them if you find photos triggering. to be honest they are like the anti-trigger to me, but I know these things affect people differently...
ok :) these first ones were taken on January 4th. I believe it was the day before I started increasing and gaining weight, although my memory is a little hazy. yeah so basically they are at the lowest weight I was this year, and only 4lbs above my lowest in my last relapse. I think it was also either the day after or a couple of days after I suspect I had a minor heart attack cause of low potassium. just looking at them now...well, I don't know. it's quite horrifying to be honest, looking over them before posting made me shiver. I remember looking at them at the time and thinking that it could be worse. I'd decided I wasn't going to let anyone section me unless I weighed about 9lbs less, and looking at the photos I thought that was totally feasible and I'd be fine. er. scares me now. anyway, I've rambled enough. please no one blackmail me with these cause I know I look ugly as HELL...that's kind of the point of posting them :P
excellent side effects of emaciation - square face, dead eyes, looking like Count Dracula, lanugo on my FACE (ew), utter inability to realise how ridiculous I looked.
ok, and you knew there had to be a positive spin to this :) photos now!
let's be upfront about it - I am still very underweight. in the six weeks since that first one was taken I've gained probably 12lbs, and have a lot more to go. BUT, I think the ones I took today just look SO much less depressing! sure, I don't look healthy...but I look like someone who has hope, and a fighting chance at getting healthy :)
I'm sorry that I don't have the time to write more at the moment (I'm really busy with a really boring essay), but hey I think this post is probably long enough with all those snaps! I will be back in due course though :)
13 comments:
i think lately you have been a pretty good example of how the issues that drive the illness are not your choice, but the way that you respond to them really can be in your hands. it is wonderful & so refreshing. also i am glad you can see yourself and the situation more clearly in those photos. there's quite a way to go i know but i think you do look brighter and yes, less depressing! i am so happy you want to beat this shit, you have definitely been through enough.
take care :)
e.
M&S does the yummiest food, but I always thought I'd have to be mega rich to shop there...but sounds like you actually got some pretty good deals, so maybe I will have to have a sneaky peek someday soon :-)
Oooh and I got some of those Costa syrups for Christmas, still haven't used them yet though...it's easier to go to Costa and get them to do it for me hehe how lazy am I?!
I'm so glad you have such insight and perspective on your situation, and can recognise that whilst you have made brilliant progress, there is still a way to go.
Heres to not looking/feeling like aliens/Dracula, but being happy, healthy human beings!
You can do this! Wohoo :-)
Sarah x
Yay for doing well, so glad things are going so much better now- you were definitely in a v.precarious situation not long ago....
You seem to have way too much free time for a student as well, shopping, cinema, coffee and lunches out...what?!! Haha, just kidding it's great that you have time to spend with your friends.
M&S deals = score! and you're food choices seem really sensible and yummy of course :)
Love xxx
Oh god, my scarf is famous. Look at it, being all red and stuff. :P
So so glad you're actually eating decent food to gain rather than carrot cake oats and the like. Especially jealous/impressed ofthe bread.
Same time new place next week? Aka n'castle? Will you ring later.<3
H x
ps Can't believe you didn't write about our square face convo.Haha, oh wait, yes I can, people would think I was a bitch!
I can totally relate to the before, which is why I will not post pictures right now! However, in just six weeks, you do look leaps and bounds more healthy and hopeful.
Stay strong, keep shoveling it in, and six weeks from now I imagine you can post even more progress--from inside and out!
Those aren't boring pics at all! I keep posting the same photos of polenta and chickpeas so I really wouldn't worry about your food pics ;) I always think M&S salads look delicious and there are one or two vegan ones. Why oh why do they always have to put onion in them?
That is an absolutely stunning dress - I am sure you'll look beautiful in it :)
It's not weird to put wholegrain mustard in mashed potato at all! I saw people on Masterchef doing that and it's also included in loads of recipes for mash. Good for you for getting some bargains! If I ever see bars on sale I'm always sure to buy a truckload ;)
I can see such a change between those two pics; although you're not totally recovered and still have a way to go, it's obvious that your body is in a better place from the sparkle in your eyes, the thickness of your hair and the colour of your face. You look truly alive again - your face is positively glowing.
You have more than a fighting chance of getting healthy - to pull yourself out of the state you were in in the first pic, where you seem so fragile and radiate the pain and suffering your ED has caused you, took such immense courage that I know you can get to a totally healthy place.
Such a lovely and hopeful post!
*hugs*
~Jess~
P.S I e-mailed you yesterday, but I just need to reiterate how much I appreciated your comment and sage advice. So thank you!
hey. :)
i am in total awe of you. your level of insight, self-awareness, and determination are the highest i've ever seen in someone in early recovery. it took me MONTHS to be able to look at my sick pictures and see how bad i looked. i still have problems with it sometimes.
you are seriously making leaps and bounds. it speaks to what a resilient and strong person you are. all of this is coming from within and i think it shows that at your core you are healthy and self-loving and want to live and this is gonna help you beat your ED.
i can definitely see the differences between the two pics. you look happier and more nourished- everything just looks healthier. you'll notice more of these side effects as you keep nourishing yourself. it's very, very cool to experience your body coming back to life all because of your hard work.
keep it up! :D
It was great to see you today. There was a noticeable difference from when I've seen you recently. There was a lot less sadness in your face .... long may it continue.
Ohh I love some of the stuff M+S makes, pity its so expensive normally though but they definitely do some good deals if you look about. For certain things I dont mind paying a bit more though, you can taste the difference with some of their products.
I can see a difference in your two pictures, the newer one definitely looks brighter and you look as though you have life in your eyes :-) Keep up the great work,
xox
Laura
Ohh I love some of the stuff M+S makes, pity its so expensive normally though but they definitely do some good deals if you look about. For certain things I dont mind paying a bit more though, you can taste the difference with some of their products.
I can see a difference in your two pictures, the newer one definitely looks brighter and you look as though you have life in your eyes :-) Keep up the great work,
xox
Laura
Fiiiiii!
I've been away from el internet while i was in Londres for my birthday...It's ever so slightly disturbing but during my 6hr train journey back up to Edinburgh i spent a considerable amount of time getting excited about catching up with your blog.. :)
Oooh don't get me started on M&S..I took advantage of a crap ton of their 'deals' too yesterday..All seems totally worth it when im in the shop..but when i get home and my flatmates look at me and my kenyan tenderstem broccoli (ahem! i seem to remember you teasing me about this too actually! :op) and noodle pots like im a lunatic it crosses my mind that perhaps as a student M&S deals dont really count as DEALS per se..hehe..ah well!
I get stupid excited when you post pics..You've unknowingly encouraged me to branch out with my food choices..so much so that im surprising myself...THANK YOU..Things i wouldn't have dreeeeeamed of trying in a million years (through my own previously insane 'your body will spontaneously combust if you eat that' rationale) im slowly able to now..and it's so exciting..as well as obviously rather scary..What i really appreciate about your blog is that recovery while being terrifying and immensly hard also comes across as a bit of an adventure..a thrilling journey of discovery..
I know that sounds really lame..But i think it makes such a difference being able to get EXCITED about recovery...rather than just going through the motions of eating, gaining weight yawn yawn yawn..
Anyway! candied melon and pineapples are my form of 'recovery exctitability' today..and i have you to thank for that.. :o)
I get the sense im writing and saying too much...But i just woke up..so.. :oP Plus you're so kind to me i figure you wont mind me whoring your blog!
Much love..
I need to get back to boring essaying! Hope yours is going well..
Chilly
x x x x
I already told you that you look much more alive and that I think you're great, but I thought I'd do so again :P plus, you haven't updated in a few days, I'm guessing due to the 12,000 words of doom, so I am making do with your last post! Ooh, I have the same chocolate spread, it's wonderful stuff :)
You rock :D I will continue to repeat this for the forseeable.
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