put your hands into the fire
13:37 Edit This 11 Comments »
this may be a short interlude again, I've written 800 words of essay number two, so going well, but I'm also pretty tired ;)
firstly, have been SO snap happy the past few days. theme of my photos is, you know you're in recovery when...
...you're up at 7.30 filling the house with the smell of streaky bacon being cooked within an inch of its life (sorry housemates!)
I'm being Northern, ate the bacon on a mini wholemeal stottie, cherry tomatoes and a slice of toast with my usual philadelphia & honey on the side.
you have to pile your food a bit to fit it on the plate, and that's not because you have so many vegetables OR cause you're using a kiddie plate ;)
two mushroom/cheese/veggie crispbakes fried in olive oil, double serving mash, asparagus
your evening snack is effectively what you used to eat in a day, but with about 4 different high calorie add ons making it multiple times the original amount...
greek yogurt, Grape Nuts, 'raisin rebels' (chocolate, caramel & yogurt coatings), fruit yogurt raisins, chopped dates, candied melon
...you realise that it IS possible to make tofu taste as good as it does in restaurants, you just have to marinade it (soy & honey) and fry it in olive oil.
tofu, chinese steamed buns with chicken & shiitake mushroom filling, stir fried veg
and I so WISH I could say 'you know you're in recovery when you're warm all the time'...but no. guess why?
it's snowing AGAIN. and with the limited heating, this house is really not very warm. in fact I'm wearing about four layers plus my fleece blanket right now. all I can say is, good job I'm eating! strangely, I'm still getting what I think are actually worse night sweats even in this weather...weird.
I'm experimenting with a few things right now, mainly about being less rigid over counting and measuring food. and no, trust me, this is NOT a grand scheme to eat less ;) I am just bored of the amount of headspace it takes up getting calorie counts 'just right' and so on. so, I've been estimating and going by what I think is right, then adding up in the evening, but while I still have time to make it up if there's a deficit. which I haven't had to do so far so that must be a good sign! I'm also generally forcing myself not to care about the little things, like the exact weight of something (I don't let myself weigh anything obsessive, but I do weigh cheese, cereal, dried fruit and dry carbs), letting my housemates try something of mine or trying something of theirs, and so on. no lie, if I'm alone I am regularly found whispering little admonishments at myself...the funniest one is a quick 'oh fuck off' when I find myself itching to take out an extra 3g of cereal off the scale ;) but crossed fingers it hasn't caused me any more hassle than that thus far.
hopefully I will be able to blog about something more interesting in the near future! in any case I am still reading but I'm sorry that my commenting is pretty slack :( blame Luther (current essay topic!)
x
firstly, have been SO snap happy the past few days. theme of my photos is, you know you're in recovery when...
...you're up at 7.30 filling the house with the smell of streaky bacon being cooked within an inch of its life (sorry housemates!)
I'm being Northern, ate the bacon on a mini wholemeal stottie, cherry tomatoes and a slice of toast with my usual philadelphia & honey on the side.
you have to pile your food a bit to fit it on the plate, and that's not because you have so many vegetables OR cause you're using a kiddie plate ;)
two mushroom/cheese/veggie crispbakes fried in olive oil, double serving mash, asparagus
your evening snack is effectively what you used to eat in a day, but with about 4 different high calorie add ons making it multiple times the original amount...
greek yogurt, Grape Nuts, 'raisin rebels' (chocolate, caramel & yogurt coatings), fruit yogurt raisins, chopped dates, candied melon
...you realise that it IS possible to make tofu taste as good as it does in restaurants, you just have to marinade it (soy & honey) and fry it in olive oil.
tofu, chinese steamed buns with chicken & shiitake mushroom filling, stir fried veg
and I so WISH I could say 'you know you're in recovery when you're warm all the time'...but no. guess why?
it's snowing AGAIN. and with the limited heating, this house is really not very warm. in fact I'm wearing about four layers plus my fleece blanket right now. all I can say is, good job I'm eating! strangely, I'm still getting what I think are actually worse night sweats even in this weather...weird.
I'm experimenting with a few things right now, mainly about being less rigid over counting and measuring food. and no, trust me, this is NOT a grand scheme to eat less ;) I am just bored of the amount of headspace it takes up getting calorie counts 'just right' and so on. so, I've been estimating and going by what I think is right, then adding up in the evening, but while I still have time to make it up if there's a deficit. which I haven't had to do so far so that must be a good sign! I'm also generally forcing myself not to care about the little things, like the exact weight of something (I don't let myself weigh anything obsessive, but I do weigh cheese, cereal, dried fruit and dry carbs), letting my housemates try something of mine or trying something of theirs, and so on. no lie, if I'm alone I am regularly found whispering little admonishments at myself...the funniest one is a quick 'oh fuck off' when I find myself itching to take out an extra 3g of cereal off the scale ;) but crossed fingers it hasn't caused me any more hassle than that thus far.
hopefully I will be able to blog about something more interesting in the near future! in any case I am still reading but I'm sorry that my commenting is pretty slack :( blame Luther (current essay topic!)
x
11 comments:
I have been known to tell the air/myself/my ED/the scales to fuck off when wanting to take off stupidly tiny amounts of dry stuff too :P usually, if I find myself wanting to do something a bit obsessive like that, I take the same approach as you and make myself keep it the same! I hope the snow doesn't last very long. I would say you're welcome to send it down here, but it's all the way up to 4C this evening and I'm actually quite warm so no thanks! Good luck with Luther ;)
Having little conversations with yourself can be quite therapeutic/amusing! I usually converse with myself through writing, but I have been known to slip into real life speaking from time to time ;)
I'm so glad you're challenging yourself in all these great ways, and your eats are some of the best I've seen in blogland so far! Also am very ashamed that as an ardent northerner, I had not heard of stottie prior to reading your post...agh I need to go and work on my northerness!
Hope it warms up, and that you can celebrate the end of essaying soon :-)
Sarah x
Haha, know that feeling, sometimes I wish my food scale wasn't accurate to the nearest gram! You're doing so well,go you although I definitely pity you with the snow. That night snack looks quite the combination! And oh my goodness chinese buns, I love those in restaurants but where did you find them??? Do they have veggie ones? xx
hey its lilsweetie TF :) i'm adding u to my following list
Oh, I chatter to myself all the time. In fact I think I have more conversations with myself and inanimate objects such as laptops, hoovers and microwaves than I do with other people :P
I'm sure your housemates actually appreciated the delicious aromas of breakfast wafting into their room, presuming none of them are veggie or vegan of course ;)
I always envy the wonderful lighting of your dinner pics ~ mine always end up with a horrible yellow hue.
Yes, the snow is back. Yippee-doo. I hope you're keeping warm and that darn boiler of yours is still working!
Congrats on the food flexibility :)
Ugh, would that essay be about Martin Luther? If so I sympathise because I had to write a 5000 word paper on Early Modern religion earlier in the semester (well, I'm still amending the draft) and I never want to read another sermon by Calvin or the philosophies of Philip Sidney ever again!
*hugs*
~Jess~
xoxoox
^^ yes it's on rebellion in Ref Europe :( so a lot of Luther/Calvin involved unfortunately!
lol now you mention it one of my housemates had a vegan friend staying over when I was cooking bacon...oops. oh well she did use my soymilk and other things so she won't have completely been annoyed by me I hope ;)
x
I happen to think this is a very interesting post, so no apologies. I've never taken to weighing my food--measuring, yes, but not weighing--so I think it's a good thing for you to get away from. I mean seriously, how practical is it in "real" life to be ruled by a scale, whether through your food or your weight? Big step, and big props.
While I don't comment at all, I just wanted to let you know I totally relate and often come here for validation, as I have to eat an insane amount of food to make any progress. You seem to be one of the only ones who details numbers and amounts, so it helps :) Anyway, those mushroom/cheese fritter things look delicious. Homemade?
"you have to pile your food a bit to fit it on the plate, and that's not because you have so many vegetables OR cause you're using a kiddie plate"--Love it! So true. And your yogurt looks amazing!
I also whisper things to myself (generally oh fuck off too) when I have these ED moments.
Good luck with all the essays!
abby - I hate to disappoint but the veggie fritter things were frozen! good though. glad my being specific about amounts helps you :) yeah we dont really measure stuff (I assume you mean cups?) in the UK, we have weights etc in recipes instead of volumes. but it really is such a bad habit, I wish everyone would use cups!
I talk to myself all the time, it gets me strange looks 8)
I love this post :)
Haha! I loved the theme of this post.. and I can totally relate. My mom thinks it's hilarious when I am up at 6AM making an enormous bowl of oatmeal everyday... the smell usually wakes her up!
I think its awesome that you have stopped counting so much.. I did the same thing for awhile and I found that I was so much more relaxed!
xo
Tat
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