even a journey of a thousand miles...
08:58 Edit This 5 Comments »
FUCK.
(excuse my language :P)
today has been...eventful, put it that way. had my review/'family meeting' with my consultant and a whole bunch of other people from my local ED services. I was freaking out a heck of a lot and went in early, only to get in a total state and sit there on the brink of tears waiting to go in. first I had to get bloods done (apparently he is concerned because I wouldn't say how often I was b/ping...ok tbh I was so upset at the time I was asked that I couldn't think and just said 'I don't know, the same, or something'...oh dear) and also get weighed.
huuuuge news = I am FINALLY just over my discharge weight from IP. I had gone down and back up a couple of times but never managed to break that barrier. think I'm somewhere around the stupid bmi limit that I got so stuck on now. not going to even work it out exactly, I don't want to know ;). anyway, it basically means the first time I've genuinely gained on my own, without going to meals at daycare. I didn't tell anyone in the world I'd upped my diet cause I was so scared I'd fail. tbh I actually cried at the time I was weighed too, I was so fucking scared, but I think now I'm seeing the positives.
in terms of the actual meeting...I was basically told to choose between doing daycare 'properly' five days a week or 'leaving it' for a month and reviewing again to see if I'm 'ready' then. I said I wasn't sure and I didn't know what to do, so they told me that I would need to be fully committed and it's best to take the month to think about it. TBQH, if I can keep gaining at home this month that would be ideal and I won't worry about going back. I don't think anyone really believes I can, but hey, proving people wrong is fun no?
now I'm officially (and have told people, lol) on a weight gain diet, time to post some fooood! yay :)
lunch yesterday - tall skim caramel machiatto with chicken, bacon & blue cheese sandwich on sourdough
today's afternoon snack at Starbucks! tall coffee light frap & muffin
ok so I look like a Starbucks addict. but I had Pret for lunch today with my dad, I promise! usually I only take pics if I'm out cause err, my parents would think I'm insane! anyway I have great plans for tonights dinner...jacket potato/cheese and salmon salad. yum. also I bought two apple pie Larabars for 29p EACH in Sainbury's today :D (they run out of date at the end of May!) I don't like the Apple Pie as much as some other flavours but hey, who could turn that down!
can't believe I'm still doing this. but hey, I'll take it!
more updated-ness when I've decided what to do with my life sans-daycare. a whole exciting new world is opening up, lol.
goals for the coming week:
~ find some kind of voluntary work/job/way to occupy time, preferably not involving much exercise!
~ gain at least .3kg, more would not be a problem
~ try to keep my spirits up and keep doing something worthwhile every day
all for now
x Fi
(excuse my language :P)
today has been...eventful, put it that way. had my review/'family meeting' with my consultant and a whole bunch of other people from my local ED services. I was freaking out a heck of a lot and went in early, only to get in a total state and sit there on the brink of tears waiting to go in. first I had to get bloods done (apparently he is concerned because I wouldn't say how often I was b/ping...ok tbh I was so upset at the time I was asked that I couldn't think and just said 'I don't know, the same, or something'...oh dear) and also get weighed.
huuuuge news = I am FINALLY just over my discharge weight from IP. I had gone down and back up a couple of times but never managed to break that barrier. think I'm somewhere around the stupid bmi limit that I got so stuck on now. not going to even work it out exactly, I don't want to know ;). anyway, it basically means the first time I've genuinely gained on my own, without going to meals at daycare. I didn't tell anyone in the world I'd upped my diet cause I was so scared I'd fail. tbh I actually cried at the time I was weighed too, I was so fucking scared, but I think now I'm seeing the positives.
in terms of the actual meeting...I was basically told to choose between doing daycare 'properly' five days a week or 'leaving it' for a month and reviewing again to see if I'm 'ready' then. I said I wasn't sure and I didn't know what to do, so they told me that I would need to be fully committed and it's best to take the month to think about it. TBQH, if I can keep gaining at home this month that would be ideal and I won't worry about going back. I don't think anyone really believes I can, but hey, proving people wrong is fun no?
now I'm officially (and have told people, lol) on a weight gain diet, time to post some fooood! yay :)
lunch yesterday - tall skim caramel machiatto with chicken, bacon & blue cheese sandwich on sourdough
today's afternoon snack at Starbucks! tall coffee light frap & muffin
ok so I look like a Starbucks addict. but I had Pret for lunch today with my dad, I promise! usually I only take pics if I'm out cause err, my parents would think I'm insane! anyway I have great plans for tonights dinner...jacket potato/cheese and salmon salad. yum. also I bought two apple pie Larabars for 29p EACH in Sainbury's today :D (they run out of date at the end of May!) I don't like the Apple Pie as much as some other flavours but hey, who could turn that down!
can't believe I'm still doing this. but hey, I'll take it!
more updated-ness when I've decided what to do with my life sans-daycare. a whole exciting new world is opening up, lol.
goals for the coming week:
~ find some kind of voluntary work/job/way to occupy time, preferably not involving much exercise!
~ gain at least .3kg, more would not be a problem
~ try to keep my spirits up and keep doing something worthwhile every day
all for now
x Fi
5 comments:
I'm so very proud of you, Fi. Do you see how far you've come? God, I wish I could give you a hug and dance 'round. :P ILY.
oh noes, another larabar fan :p the only Sainsburys near me which sells them is 15 miles away, damnit!
Well done Fi, I am ridiculously proud of you and grinning like a loon. I am sorry about all the crying and the stupid doctors though <3 I thought it was meant to be us who did the black and white, all or nothing thinking?! Oh well. I really hope you can do it on your own. Take it from me, it is amazing to sit in front of an ED professional and have them say 'well, I was sure you wouldn't do it but you did'. Makes me feel all smug :p I hope you get to do that next month!! I am always here for general rantings *hug*
Congrats on teh gain hunni! That's awesome :). Good luck on the continuing steps forward. Don't be afraid of telling people what you're trying to do, you can use them for support when you have a tough day as its not failing, just learning and refining :).
Look forward to hearing you continuing to kick butt - and some of the stumbles too :)
xox
Ah, a fellow Larabar fan! Awesome :) I just came across your blog and I really enjoy reading your writing!
It is so great that you are deciding to keep moving forward. living with an ED is no way to truly enjoy life, I too am trying to move out of the hold it has on me.
The people you love will support your decision. Your body needs the weight gain and your loved ones want you to be healthy
Take care, ill be returning to your blog again!<3
Hey, thanks for the comment!
Really love your blog, it has now been added to my blogroll :)
Thats brillient that you are managing on your own, well done! Just think of how much more relaxed you can be at home aswell instead of being on edge when you are watched all the time. Thats a bastard when you are in hospital. Just as long as you keep at it with the meal plan and weight gain. This is the hardest thing to shake free but we will do it!
Oh my god, you found larabars in Sainsburys?? I cant find them anywhere, even on the net!
Keep up the good work xx
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