such a relief!
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apologies for previous depressing post ;) and for not updating yesterday!
however, for once in my life I had a seriously good Monday! of course Mondays have no meaning when you don't work, but nevermind! I did a lot of thinking over the weekend and realised that I really need to be sticking to the dietary recommendations which are supposed to help my digestion problems, rather than just 'bearing them in mind'. the whole thing started when I was an inpatient earlier this year, when I obviously had no choice at all over what I was eating and was on 3000 calories a day...a lot of the time I was in excruciating pain and also went through the fun of involuntary vomiting and other nasty symptoms I will save you from hearing! in any case, my situation was quite difficult because obviously a lot of anorexic inpatients will go to any lengths to avoid eating, and I guess my doctors didn't know whether to believe me or not. I was told that it could be delayed gastric emptying or gastroparesis, and prescribed Metoclopramide/Reglan, which I still take. but no changes could be made to my diet, despite that delayed gastric emptying is significantly helped by a diet low in fibre, volume and solid fats.
the bizarre thing is that when I got out, I didn't actually adust my diet accordingly. I did cut down on vegetables, the biggest source of volume/fibre, but to some degree I think I was in denial that my eating disorder could have had such a drastic effect on me. I definitely also had an underlying resentment and feeling that 'if I have to limit WHAT I eat so much, why bother eating?'
so anyway, today I decided I have to get over this. I'm never going to gain the weight unless I work with my body. so I went shopping! and I have to admit...it was a highly depressing experience. no whole grains? no peanut butter, avocadoes, butter? how do you get the calories in? well I'm happy to say I think I'm managing it, although it's bizarre to be drinking so many caloric liquids (hello convenient incentive to squash ED fear!). this morning I was emptying the dishwasher after eating breakfast and I suddenly realised that I wasn't in pain. sounds simple...but it was priceless. honestly I nearly cried. obviously I still feel a little bit full and uncomfortable, but that comes with the territory when refeeding ;) it's also good to know that it wasn't 'my eating disorder speaking' or 'just normal discomfort'...because I can tell now that THIS is more bearable rather than excruciating.
I'll show you some of my new discoveries for Fi-friendly sources of nutrition :)
have I ever mentioned my hatred for milk? probably. anyway, soymilk and flavoured milk are bizarrely enough totally ok, so I went for strawberry vanilla cause it was 2 for 1!
more fun stuff...milk, apple/mango juice, Coco Pops, black bean rice crackers, chilli rice crackers, chicken slices, Extra Light Philadelphia, prawns, ciabatta roll
if anyone has any interesting ideas for low-fibre low-fat foods (it's such a stupid combo!) please let me know! I'm just working this all out for myself.
another happy thought today: I definitely have a lot more energy when I'm not struggling to digest things which don't agree with my body. I'm not tired at all for the first time in ages. hopefully I won't have to restrict my diet like this forever, but for the moment I just can't believe I didn't do it earlier to be honest. I also increased my calories as planned and it's all been rather easy. (lol, now I'm worrying about jinxing myself!)
I'm going to be home alone for another couple of days until Wednesday, then off for my dad's birthday dinner in Yorkshire. what do you guys do when you're home alone? somehow I'm more bored than when there are people around, even though it's only my parents and my eight year old brother so we don't exactly have interests in common! I'm tempted to just go window shopping tomorrow to be honest...it's like my standard boredom killer!
however, for once in my life I had a seriously good Monday! of course Mondays have no meaning when you don't work, but nevermind! I did a lot of thinking over the weekend and realised that I really need to be sticking to the dietary recommendations which are supposed to help my digestion problems, rather than just 'bearing them in mind'. the whole thing started when I was an inpatient earlier this year, when I obviously had no choice at all over what I was eating and was on 3000 calories a day...a lot of the time I was in excruciating pain and also went through the fun of involuntary vomiting and other nasty symptoms I will save you from hearing! in any case, my situation was quite difficult because obviously a lot of anorexic inpatients will go to any lengths to avoid eating, and I guess my doctors didn't know whether to believe me or not. I was told that it could be delayed gastric emptying or gastroparesis, and prescribed Metoclopramide/Reglan, which I still take. but no changes could be made to my diet, despite that delayed gastric emptying is significantly helped by a diet low in fibre, volume and solid fats.
the bizarre thing is that when I got out, I didn't actually adust my diet accordingly. I did cut down on vegetables, the biggest source of volume/fibre, but to some degree I think I was in denial that my eating disorder could have had such a drastic effect on me. I definitely also had an underlying resentment and feeling that 'if I have to limit WHAT I eat so much, why bother eating?'
so anyway, today I decided I have to get over this. I'm never going to gain the weight unless I work with my body. so I went shopping! and I have to admit...it was a highly depressing experience. no whole grains? no peanut butter, avocadoes, butter? how do you get the calories in? well I'm happy to say I think I'm managing it, although it's bizarre to be drinking so many caloric liquids (hello convenient incentive to squash ED fear!). this morning I was emptying the dishwasher after eating breakfast and I suddenly realised that I wasn't in pain. sounds simple...but it was priceless. honestly I nearly cried. obviously I still feel a little bit full and uncomfortable, but that comes with the territory when refeeding ;) it's also good to know that it wasn't 'my eating disorder speaking' or 'just normal discomfort'...because I can tell now that THIS is more bearable rather than excruciating.
I'll show you some of my new discoveries for Fi-friendly sources of nutrition :)
have I ever mentioned my hatred for milk? probably. anyway, soymilk and flavoured milk are bizarrely enough totally ok, so I went for strawberry vanilla cause it was 2 for 1!
more fun stuff...milk, apple/mango juice, Coco Pops, black bean rice crackers, chilli rice crackers, chicken slices, Extra Light Philadelphia, prawns, ciabatta roll
if anyone has any interesting ideas for low-fibre low-fat foods (it's such a stupid combo!) please let me know! I'm just working this all out for myself.
another happy thought today: I definitely have a lot more energy when I'm not struggling to digest things which don't agree with my body. I'm not tired at all for the first time in ages. hopefully I won't have to restrict my diet like this forever, but for the moment I just can't believe I didn't do it earlier to be honest. I also increased my calories as planned and it's all been rather easy. (lol, now I'm worrying about jinxing myself!)
I'm going to be home alone for another couple of days until Wednesday, then off for my dad's birthday dinner in Yorkshire. what do you guys do when you're home alone? somehow I'm more bored than when there are people around, even though it's only my parents and my eight year old brother so we don't exactly have interests in common! I'm tempted to just go window shopping tomorrow to be honest...it's like my standard boredom killer!
7 comments:
mmm...strawberry milk! lol
shopping is my standard boredom killer too.. also kills my bank balance though! erm, tbh i usually stalk the internet when home alone, downloading films/House online, roam tastespotting.com and usually end up doing some baking. i love alone time :)
also, just to let you know that i temporarily deleted my blog as a friend found it and confronted me over the contents..! so while the dust settles i wont be blogging much xx
Yay for food which doesn't cause you pain!
Hmm, low fibre low fat... the only things I can think of are natural yoghurts? Or greek yoghurts.
So happy you managed to find a system of eating that settles your tummy ~ I know it's made a huge difference to me in terms of energy levels and mood since eliminating gluten and soy. Stomach cramps and nausea are depressing enough in themselves and difficult to deal with for you especially because it's as if the body is 'rejecting' food and sending a message not to gain...but it's totally possible that if you do gain, then eventually some of the damage may heal itself. Low fibre, low fat basically includes white breads/pasta, white rice, most gluten-free grains, low-fat dairy, skinless potatoes (my Mum sometimes makes skim-milk mashed potatoes with no butter for herself when her stomach's playing up...which is most days! She has gastroparesis from years of anorexia and laxative abuse)...umm, that's all I can think of right now!
I'm home alone most of the time and tend to paint or play music for most of the day when I'm not researching as a distraction...or read, of course. I'm so sorry you're stuck on your own for a few days...I'm naturally a loner so I don't mind so much but I will be thinking of you and wishing you all the strength you need to get through this challenging time.
<3
I was going to suggest the same as Jessica - white pasta, rice and potatoes are all low in fibre and fat, and mashed potatoes may or may not be the ultimate comfort food anyway ;) If you can't stomach the fibre in porridge oats gluten free porridge would probably be a good substitute - gluten free grains are notoriously low in fibre. I buy rice flakes from the local health food shop but Sainsburys and some other companies do their own mixes. Gluten free museli/granola would probably be low fibre too. I'm so glad that you're feeling better Fi, I know what a difference it makes to my mood when digestive problems clear up in response to something quite simple :) I hope it continues!
Yay! Glad to hear your not in so much discomfort anymore. It definitely makes a difference to your mood when you feel well, I hope this continues for you, Im sure your relieved to have found something that works.
Ohhh did I see prawns mentioned on your list, :-) delicious I love them!
Hmm I cant really think of any other ideas than what some of the others have suggested. I guess really yogurts and plain things are the way to go? Maybe if you get a bit sick of eating yogurt you could make yourself some custard or rice pudding for a change?
Good for you for working on your intake, its a great achievement :-)
WHOO HOO!!! So glad it's working hunni!!!
Another suggestion as a variation is to freeze some of the liquids and then eat them like ice cream/smoothies... just as an alternative.
ALSO, you can get supplement powders which I wouldn't recommend for everyone but you and me baby are different! And using that on and in food is another way of increasing the calories without increasing the bulk!!!
Sooooo proud of you!!!!
xoxoxoxox
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