behind the wheel
15:27 Edit This 6 Comments »
today I am joining you from Askrigg, a tiny village in the middle of nowhere where my parents are on holiday...aka the Yorkshire Dales :) can't believe there's internet here actually! the place they're renting is SO cute, check this out...
cute fireplace.
blogging location complete with laptops ;) these sofas are so deep it's practically impossible to get up once you're sitting on one!
I've been driving up here most of today so I have nothing much interesting to report. random fact about me though - I love driving so much I almost think I was meant to be born a boy. it's one of my healthiest stress relief tools - get in the car and just drive with the radio on loud and preferably the windows down if the weather allows! I get confused when most people seem to dread long drives, I love them! plenty of time to relax, but with something to concentrate on and keep me focussed. another good reason I could never be chronically anorexic for years - if I kept going in and out of hospital I'd also inevitably keep losing my driving licence cause of my weight! huge fail. I miss driving even if I go on holiday and don't use my car for a few weeks...no idea why, it's just one of those things!
anyway, I was pretty tired today actually. I think I had to stop about four times in the end? here's a pic from one of my breaks!
Costa coffee frescato, and my dashboard :)
the frescato was good, never had one before. I am beginning to realise though that altering my diet is forcing me to really challenge myself with ED'd thoughts. I was GOING to write that I was really struggling with it but I decided to put a positive spin instead, since 'struggling' can so often mean 'lieing down and letting my ED trample over me', at least when I say it ;)
anyway, this is odd because I never was one to worry about nutrition, even when I was a solely restrictive anorexic, but it's probably because the changes I'm making to my diet are quite extreme. I keep having paranoid thoughts about how much sugar I'm eating/drinking now, and how little actual nutrition I'm getting. It has helped a little to read up online about dietary recommendations when you have delayed gastric emptying, as so often the message is 'any calorie is a good calorie if you can digest it without pain'...which is something I know I need to remember. and I AM much happier now. but it seems very overwhelming for someone with an ED to have to live on refined carbs, with NO whole grains and hardly any fruit or veg. even now I'm still wondering if people will look at me and think 'wow she eats rubbish!', or worse, encourage me and secretly think 'I would never in a million years touch that kind of diet'. yes I am a paranoid person, lol.
on the bright side, I HAVE learned that some 'ideas' about food I really believed in are totally false. for example, that liquids do not fill you up. if I weren't drinking caloric liquids right now I'd be on a maintenance diet, maybe even less. but I'm not hungry, anxious, obsessive or anything else associated with eating too little for my needs. I think I probably do just absorb ideas from a culture of 'healthy eating' which is associated with weight loss too easily. I'm also surprised at how full I feel considered the low amount of volume I'm eating. not in a bad way, just a 'I can tell this is a weight gain diet' way! it's very reassuring to realise that my body knows how MUCH I'm eating, and that it is enough, despite it being things which have a reputation for being 'empty' calories and not satisfying. my body works!
so now I will leave you as I'm watching Teachers and catching up on various online rubbish! thought I was tired but apparently the lure of time wasting is waking me up...
cute fireplace.
blogging location complete with laptops ;) these sofas are so deep it's practically impossible to get up once you're sitting on one!
I've been driving up here most of today so I have nothing much interesting to report. random fact about me though - I love driving so much I almost think I was meant to be born a boy. it's one of my healthiest stress relief tools - get in the car and just drive with the radio on loud and preferably the windows down if the weather allows! I get confused when most people seem to dread long drives, I love them! plenty of time to relax, but with something to concentrate on and keep me focussed. another good reason I could never be chronically anorexic for years - if I kept going in and out of hospital I'd also inevitably keep losing my driving licence cause of my weight! huge fail. I miss driving even if I go on holiday and don't use my car for a few weeks...no idea why, it's just one of those things!
anyway, I was pretty tired today actually. I think I had to stop about four times in the end? here's a pic from one of my breaks!
Costa coffee frescato, and my dashboard :)
the frescato was good, never had one before. I am beginning to realise though that altering my diet is forcing me to really challenge myself with ED'd thoughts. I was GOING to write that I was really struggling with it but I decided to put a positive spin instead, since 'struggling' can so often mean 'lieing down and letting my ED trample over me', at least when I say it ;)
anyway, this is odd because I never was one to worry about nutrition, even when I was a solely restrictive anorexic, but it's probably because the changes I'm making to my diet are quite extreme. I keep having paranoid thoughts about how much sugar I'm eating/drinking now, and how little actual nutrition I'm getting. It has helped a little to read up online about dietary recommendations when you have delayed gastric emptying, as so often the message is 'any calorie is a good calorie if you can digest it without pain'...which is something I know I need to remember. and I AM much happier now. but it seems very overwhelming for someone with an ED to have to live on refined carbs, with NO whole grains and hardly any fruit or veg. even now I'm still wondering if people will look at me and think 'wow she eats rubbish!', or worse, encourage me and secretly think 'I would never in a million years touch that kind of diet'. yes I am a paranoid person, lol.
on the bright side, I HAVE learned that some 'ideas' about food I really believed in are totally false. for example, that liquids do not fill you up. if I weren't drinking caloric liquids right now I'd be on a maintenance diet, maybe even less. but I'm not hungry, anxious, obsessive or anything else associated with eating too little for my needs. I think I probably do just absorb ideas from a culture of 'healthy eating' which is associated with weight loss too easily. I'm also surprised at how full I feel considered the low amount of volume I'm eating. not in a bad way, just a 'I can tell this is a weight gain diet' way! it's very reassuring to realise that my body knows how MUCH I'm eating, and that it is enough, despite it being things which have a reputation for being 'empty' calories and not satisfying. my body works!
so now I will leave you as I'm watching Teachers and catching up on various online rubbish! thought I was tired but apparently the lure of time wasting is waking me up...
6 comments:
There is a future career as a long distance lorry driver waiting for you.
Enjoy the 50th Birthday meal.....
I love driving too, I bet I will feel similarly about long drives once I've had more experience on motorways and stuff. Aw Fi, no one would ever judge you for your diet - if the medical advice is to eat easily digestible things then that's healthy for you. Being in vast amounts of pain puts a huge stress on your body, so a high volume, high fibre, shit loads of vegetables kind of diet wouldn't be healthy for you at all. It's all in the context :P and don't think for a second that I'm encouraging you for some sneaky, passive aggressive anorexic reason, you know I love my muffins! I think eating the amount of fibre that some bloggers do would probably kill ME, and my digestive problems aren't as bad as yours at all. So there. Refined carbs FTW!
Have a nice time in your civilised field :) lol
Ohh that place looks really lovely, really cute.
I love driving as well, I hate being a passenger, mainly because I get travel sick quite easily!
I wouldnt worry about your diet, if your finding that what your doing at the minute works for you then thats great. I agree though I dont really find that liquids fill me up either.
Enjoy the rest of your trip,
xox
That cottage looks so pretty...low ceilings and wooden beams are great for making shorties like me feel a little taller : )
I wish I could channel your enthusiasm for driving...I'm still working up the courage to get back into lessons after being traumatised by a near head-on collision with an articulated lorry when I was seventeen. It sounds so wonderfully freeing, and it must feel liberating to be independent in that respect.
I don't think anyone has the right to judge your diet at all and it's not 'rubbish' ~ it's far preferable to eating something 'healthy' (and the contemporary mindset is ludicrously skewed as to what that is anyway) that causes your digestive system pain and agony. It took me years to realise that some of the gluten-free porridge/cookies/white rice I have isn't full of fibre or wholegrain, but it's what keeps my tummy happy. I'm totally sincere about this ~ I truly think what you're doing is right and if I were in your position and had found a method of eating that put my body and mind at peace, I'd do the same thing.
Thanks so much for your kindness and support ~ I wouldn't want to be a bother or annoy you, but to know that there's a friendly 'ear' out there if things get especially tough is immensely comforting.
<3
Yorkshire Dales <3
My family are from Halifax and that area so I'm in the dales a lot. If you haven't already been I'd reccomend checking out Bolton Abbey if you can. S'beautiful down there. :)
And there's nothing wrong with your diet. Eating without pain trumps any kind of 'healthy eating' fad going around. And really a healthy diet is the best diet for you. :)
Take care x
We used to go on holiday to the Yorkshire Dales and rent cottages...hehe, they are all so cute (and all look the same). Have fun!
Never underestimate the power of using different language to change thoughts on things- have you heard of neuro-linguistic programming?
Out of all the frappuccino-type drinks, I think Coffee Republic do the best ones. I thought they all shut down but randomly found one in Edinburgh the other day. Yay!
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